SNOW IN INDIANA!

Hi folks, My mother lives an hour north of me in South Bend, Indiana. She just called me a few minutes ago to give me the weather report. She's 88, so I get almost daily weather reports. She doesn't realize there's an invention called "television" that also reports on the weather fairly regularly. I don't tell her because what else would we talk about? Electricity? Even though South Bend is only an hour north of us here in Ft. Wayne, they get an entirely different kind of weather. Lying just south of Lake Michigan, they get the full brunt of the "lake effect" where snow comes over Lake Michigan from Canada and waits until the snow clouds sight land and then dumps it. On South Bend and the general area from Michigan City over. By the time the clouds reach Ft. Wayne, they're pretty much depleted and that's the way I like it. She had a great report today. She said they already had 24 inches of snow and it was still snowing and was supposed to all day. It made me feel so good! Why? Because we had half an inch and it's pretty well melted off... I laughed so hard at her news that I had to hang up. I called her back and gave her one of those "little white lies" you give your mother. I told her there was this hysterically funny show on TV that I was watching and that's why I broke up laughing. She asked me what a TV was and I had to explain that and then  we hung up. I await an update tomorrow. Did I mention I hate snow? I didn't see any until I was 12 years old, growing up in Freeport, Texas which isn't noted much for its blizzards. Once I saw some, I was over it. Never wanted to see any ever again. In fact, I don't like that "changing of the seasons" people go fruity over. In my perfect world, it would always be 95 degrees with 100% humidity for 364 days of the year. On one day a year, we would have winter, which would be a day when the temp went down to 75 and the tips of the palm tree fronds would turn brown. But, for only one day! A few minutes after talking to Mom, I received an email from some good friends of mine, John and Angie Felabom, and they sent me the following. I wish I knew the author so I could give him or her proper credit and if I find out who it was, I'll include it. John and Angie live in South Bend, so they were experiencing the same weather as Mom. I wish them the best...               Diary of a Demented INDIANA-ER   December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9     We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!  Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.  No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14 Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20.  The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!   The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17 Still below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20 Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying. December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!  Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow. December 25 Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a  fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave. December 26 Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!! December 29 Snowed again. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.  The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted. December 31 I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8 Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

 South Bend just after they dug out from the last snow...

Perfect weather and the perfect Christmas tree!